You know, I actually miss my soccer mom van. I really do. And as Nikki puts it, Mao was essentially my trademark. You know how easy it was to find it in a parking lot? All I had to do was scan for an edge of faded green. It was easy to drive, painless to park, and had an almost perfect view of outside for changing lanes on the freeway. Only downsides I could think of was “It’s ugly” and “The gas mileage sucks”. But, no complaints whatsoever….
Farewell ‘98 Plymouth Voyager. Hello ‘06 Toyota Corolla
-in Skype call-
Me: Woah, we don’t have each other on facebook yet?
Girl: Yeah. Don’t add me. My boyfriend will get mad.
Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know a friend request meant hopping on the Polar Express straight to your vagina.
When you love someone, you care about them more than you care about yourself. You give selflessly.
- Me: *Looking at a junior's pics on Facebook*
- Me: He's so cute
- Me: I'm so gross *cries*
- BRITISH EMPIRE: All right, fine, your stupid embargo worked. We won’t levy any more taxes-
- AMERICAN COLONIES: Huzzah! Time to get drunk!
- BRITISH EMPIRE: Except on tea.
- AMERICAN COLONIES: What?
- BRITISH EMPIRE: Get over it, it’s just tea. Seriously, where do you get this idea that you’re special and should never have to pay taxes? We hope that idea doesn’t go on to infect your political discourse centuries from now.
- AMERICAN COLONIES: We’re not buying your stupid tea.
- BRITISH EMPIRE: Are you being serious right now? What are you going to do, just stop drinking tea?
- AMERICAN COLONIES: Yes. We’ll drink coffee.
- BRITISH EMPIRE: Do you even know what that is?
- AMERICAN COLONIES: No, but we’ve heard it’s good and we’re feeling surly.
- BRITISH EMPIRE: Fine, whatever, we don’t even care what you do anymore.
- BRITISH EAST INDIA COMPANY: Actually, we are pretty much bankrupt, so you need to make them drink the tea.
- BRITISH EMPIRE: Oh, for—just drink the tea.
- AMERICAN COLONIES: No.
- BRITISH EMPIRE: Do it.
- AMERICAN COLONIES: NO.
- BRITISH EMPIRE: Drink it.
- AMERICAN COLONIES: Fuck you.
- BRITISH EMPIRE: Drink it or we’ll punch you in the face.
- AMERICAN COLONIES: *Boston Tea Party*
- BRITISH EMPIRE: What the hell?
- AMERICAN COLONIES: We heard it was Indians.
- BRITISH EMPIRE: That’s interesting, because we heard it was a bunch of colonists wearing paint and dressed in costumes that were remarkably similar to what a crowd of drunks who wanted to look like Indians would assemble if the only supplies they had were found in an alley behind a bar.
- AMERICAN COLONIES: You get all types in Boston.
- BRITISH EMPIRE: …*Coercive Acts*
- AMERICAN COLONIES: Oh, it is ON.